Maybe it was the state of the economy,or the many Senate hearings exposing the rot and hypocrisy at some of our biggest institutions,but these past 12 months felt like we saw more of the great and good’s dirty laundry aired in public than usual.
2023:And what a year it’s been. Thanks,readers.Shakespeare
Exhibit A:Qantas,the national carrier which continued to soil its reputation so badly – what with the illegal mass sackings and selling tickets for cancelled flights – that former bossAlan Joyce made an emergency landing as CEO two months early. We’ve not heard from him.
Suddenly,questions were being asked about whether giving pollies,corporate titans and even heads of the most Utopia-esque Canberra departments access to the exclusive Chairman’s Lounge amounted to some form of attempted bribery. Some brave Greenies and teals tore up their lounge memberships in disgust. Most pollies stayed in. OnlyAlan Jones got kicked out . . . until Joyce to readmit the shock jock.
Meanwhile,the Reserve Bank fought valiantly to up Qantas in the outrage stakes,sacrificing suburban battlers to the inflation gods and replacingPhil Lowewith an equally tone-deaf bureaucrat inMichele Bullock. The central bankers clearly don’t blame all that taxpayer-funded Tasmanian chardonnay they’ve been for helping drive up inflation,unlike all those pesky haircuts!
Maybe the writing was on the wall for Lowe after we reported in June that he’d taken to the stage of a summit held by investment bank Morgan Stanley with the speakers blasting out Justin Timberlake’s jaunty 2016 earwormCan’t Stop the Feeling!
Y’know,the one that goes “got that sunshine in my pocket …”
Having a nightmare before Christmas is threatening to become an annual tradition for the nation’s second-largest telecoms outfit Optus.
Last year,the Singapore-owned telco had to explain how the private data of millions of its Australian customers was purloined by online crims. This year a week of pressure after a network-wide outage led to the resignation of CEOKelly Bayer Rosmarin.
But no organisation could quite top consulting giant PwC this year,which was engulfed in scandal after it used confidential ATO information to help its clients avoid giving money to the ATO. It all blew up just as the firm was about to host a for the ALP – and there’s a metaphor in that somewhere.
But while PwC was caught in the media headlights,no consultant was safe. Special mention to Deloitte’sAdam Powick,who was so hard at the Senate that he then had to over a mosh pit of partners at a fun-filled Adelaide “retreat”.
CRASH LANDING FOR AIRBUS ALBO
In Canberra,the year started with a feeling that Prime MinisterAnthony Albanese’shoneymoon might last forever. TreasurerJim Chalmersdelivering a first budget surplus in 15 years certainly helped.
But after racking up many frequent flyer points,getting on the Time 100 list and repeatedly Indian leaderNarendra Modi’s feet,Airbus Albo came crashing down to earth in the second half of 2023.
The Prime Minister staked much on the Indigenous Voice to parliament referendum. But then Opposition LeaderPeter Dutton went into full terminator mode,the internet trolls at Advance spread their merry lies,and the natural Australian inclination to oppose anything new did the rest.
But let’s not forgetJacinta Nampijinpa Price,the rookie Country Liberal senator from the Northern Territory,whose leading role in the No campaign had some conservatives giving her the “Future Prime Minister” tag usually reserved for privately educated white men. With her penchant for taxpayer-funded,she’s certainly acting like a future leader. Plus it helps to haveGina Rinehart as a friend.
Meanwhile,in NSW,the punters finally forgave Labor forEddie Obeid,ending 12 years of Coalition rule. TheChris Minnsera dawned,and brought with it plenty of. But the state Liberals still couldn’t help making themselves the story,engaging in months of that saved CBD’s empty screen on many a quiet day.
HOW SEVEN SCORED A BIG ZERO
Over in media land,ABC management developed quite the ruthless streak this year,swinging the axe at anyone deemed to have outlived their usefulness. And they can’t even blame the Liberals this time!
Political editorAndrew Probyn’s forced redundancy in June left the press gallery stalwart “flabbergasted,” and was by both Albanese and Dutton in their Midwinter Ball speeches.
Former Howard-era ministerAmanda Vanstone’s Counterpoint show on Radio National got the chop amid a big shake-up of that station’s line-up because it had “not seen strong engagement among digital listeners”.
But the Ultimo hierarchy saved its most savage blow until the end of the year,making legendary Triple J musical directorRichard Kingsmill this week and trying to gloss over the reality of the veteran announcer’s departure with a lengthy hero-gram.
Speaking of media,it would be remiss of us to ignore the retirement of News Corp’s nonagenarian patriarchRupert Murdoch on a golden parachute,followed by a transition of power to failed litigantLachlan Murdoch far less bloody than the fictional one in that overhyped HBO show.
But in 2023,no media outlet showered itself in disgrace quite likeKerry Stokes’Seven. First,there was Stokes’ decision to bankroll war criminalBen Roberts-Smith’s failed defamation case against this masthead. The cult-like belief in BRS is so strong it led a group of Seven staff to stage a pathetic sit-in at the Walkleys when journalistsNick McKenzieandChris Masterswere rewarded for their reporting.
To top it off,the network was revealed to have paidBruce Lehrmann’s for a full year – $4000 a week for harbour views no less – after lying about it for months. We feel for the few real journalists left in the building.
BRS aside,the year brought plenty of defamation intrigue.Julian Morrow his epic four-year legal battle with his former business partner. His barristerSue Chrysanthoucopped another loss when she got for unsatisfactory professional conduct over her decision to act for former attorney-generalChristian Porterin his aborted defamation suit against the ABC.
IT’S NOT JUST CRICKET
On the sporting front,the best Ashes series since 2005 was only made better by a historic display of English sookery,lapped up by dozens of pollies who at Lords.
The less said about the Wallabies’ French surrender,the better. We’ll leave the talking to former RA chairHamish McLennan’swifeLucinda McLennan,who fired up on Instagram to spear her husband’s haters.
But with all respect to the other codes,we’re a football country now. And back home,we were all swept up in Matlidas mania during the Women’s World Cup. Everyone except for former deputy prime ministerBarnaby Joyce,who somehow managed to watch the Australia versus France game.
Other ghosts from past Coalition governments continued to haunt these pages.
Scott Morrison still won’t quit parliament,continuing to cosplay as a sober foreign affairs wonk,even withBoris Johnson.Christian Porter (remember him?) had a nice Byron Bay and is living an uneventful life as a Perth barrister.
Tony Abbott keeps on making strange,apocalyptic utterances about the state of the world to anyone who’ll listen,including a of reluctant Scots College boys. It was the second most objectionable speech delivered at the Bellevue Hill campus this year,where a Presbyterian pastor’s had enough homophobic and misogynistic overtones for teachers to walk out.
There’s been so much filth around we need a break. But first,some thank-yous. To you,our dear readers,for skipping straight to page two. To our lawyers,for keeping us out of court. And to all the naughty boys and girls who leaked us things. You know who you are.
See you all next year.
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