“From a mental health perspective,I’m terribly concerned at how unkind the world we’ve built is to girls.”Supplied
My maternal grandmother, Marge,died in 2013 and her passing was the most impactful in my life. I was very,very close to her.
As a kid, I used to have sleepovers at my grandparents’ house in Auburn,Sydney. Marge served me my dinner in front of the TV. I was honoured to be asked to conduct her funeral. I was up the front,struggling to get through it. I dedicated my first book to her.
My paternal nan, Patricia,is in a nursing home on the Central Coast. Dementia,other mental health challenges and distance – I live on the Sunshine Coast – have made it difficult for us to communicate. Even when we do via technology,she doesn’t remember who I am,which is very sad.
My mother, Karen,is a dynamic and generous individual. She’s been highly entrepreneurial while raising six children. She helps people. She makes things happen. She and my dad,Chris,have been a model of energetic marriage.
I have two sets of younger twin sisters. As the oldest brother,I wasn’t particularly good to them. I was a self-absorbed,cruel teenager,a great regret.
I was staying at Nan Marge’s house when I experienced my first kiss. I was 15. Amber lived across the road and one evening asked me if I wanted to come over and watch21 Jump Street.
We sat in Amber’s bedroom and I somehow got the courage to put my arm around her. When the TV show finished and I started to leave the room,she said. “Aren’t you going to kiss me?” I felt her tongue push through my lips and against my teeth and mouth. Then I kissed her:it was a terrible mess. She never kissed me again.
When I was 19, I spent two years in Adelaide on Mormon mission. There was no dating,just committed religious service. When I returned,I wanted to find someone I could marry.
I decided I’d date women just a few times to see if there was potential for marriage. Over five months,I dated a lot of girls,platonically. I’m embarrassed to say I created a spreadsheet and scored on values,compatibility and magnetism. I later added a fourth column – that a woman had to make me want to be exceptional. My wife,Kylie,scored 10. We’ve been married for 25 years and I am sickeningly in love with her.
Kyliehas supported me as we moved up and down the east coast for my career,initially as a radio announcer,followed by 8½ years’ psychology study while we both worked part-time,then another 10 years while I established a business.
Kylie’s an incredible mum to our daughters Chanel,23,Abbie,20,Ella,19,Annie,15,Lilli,13,and Emilie,nine,and has allowed me to follow my passion,and to provide for my family and make a difference in the world. The sacrifices she has made are incredible. Kylie is eye-wateringly extraordinary.
From a mental health perspective, I’m terribly concerned at how unkind the world we’ve built is to girls. Social media,in particular,significantly contribute to mental health challenges. The difficulty young women face in terms of comparison and competition and being enough is substantial. I fear terribly that too many girls are being mistreated due to the norm perpetuated by an over-pornographied world.
I want my daughters to find someone who loves them as much as I love my wife. I want the standards of men they marry to be very high. I want them to be treated in only the very best ways by good men who are kind and compassionate.
It’s a delight to raise daughters who know their value and who make decisions based on that. To see them flourish by making solid choices,is a thrill as a dad.
Dr Justin Coulson co-hostsParental Guidance on Channel 9 from June 5.
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