One of my colleagues has complained to my boss about the fact that I don’t wear a bra. I don’t wear revealing clothes and I am a very androgynous-appearing,middle-aged woman. The decision not to was a significant personal decision for me,one that I feel is of no genuine consequence to anyone else,workplace or not. I work in a very progressive sector that has deep roots in the feminist movement,so I was shocked when my male boss approached me because one of two of my older female colleagues told him it made them uncomfortable. It felt like a very personal attack,and it seems so completely irrelevant to my work. My work morale took an enormous dive. What should my expectation be around my choice of clothes in 2022?
Your work might have views about whether you wear underwear or not in the office.Dionne Gain
What a great question and I am going to predict that everyone reading this will have a different position depending on their worldview. First,have you ever been told that you have to dress in a particular way? Are there workplace norms in your office that have been made explicit? If not,then I’d argue that you have been treated in a way that lacks any understanding of your intent and the context you are working in.
From what you’ve said,you were clearly not trying to offend anyone and not seeking to “titillate” anyone for your own amusement. This,then,is a personal choice you have made which is important to you. In terms of context,you are also not working in a corporate environment where there may be a clear dress code,or in a school or a hospital or any workplace where certain dress standards are expected. It sounds like you are working somewhere intentionally progressive in their attitudes and your workplace presumably values the importance of diversity,inclusion and the acceptance of personal choice.
Your question asks “what is the expectation of clothing choices in 2022”? To that I can only say:it depends. In your particular workplace,it sounds like you had a reasonable expectation to believe you would be accepted for your personal choices. Your disappointment is exacerbated by feeling judged and disrespected for the choice you have made. I wonder whether through being able to speak about your personal reasons to your boss,and perhaps also to your work colleagues,just as you have done in your letter,your colleagues may also be able to reach a deeper understanding of where you are coming from.
I work in a physically demanding trade and was offered a role with the promise of career development and transitioning off the tools over a few months. I’ve now been in the role a year and have not worked a single day in the office or begun any career progression.I keep getting placated with obfuscation and I feel my promised “progression” will never eventuate as it will inconvenience my manager’s work-from-home arrangements.I have a review coming soon. How do I approach this?
You will need to approach this conversation calmly,objectively and with a clear idea of what you want. I can tell you are frustrated and angry,and no doubt with good reason,but that won’t help you get the outcome you are looking for.
I recommend you prepare really well for your review. Think about the value you have brought to your work – they clearly don’t want to lose you – but explain how this is not the role you were actually asked to do. Have a list of the tasks you would like to start doing over the next 12 months and propose how that could work in practice,including the amount of time you would like to spend in the office. Make sure you align the tasks to business needs.
You might like to link your 12-month plan to a longer-term plan as well so that your boss sees your commitment to the company and understands career progression is important to you. If your boss resists,you could ask him what he needs to see before this change is made and ask him what might have changed since he made the offer 12 months ago to mean it is no longer open to you.
Send your questions about work,careers and leadership to. Your name and any identifying information will not be used. Letters may be edited.
Dr Kirstin Ferguson is a non-executive director,author and regular columnist. She is also an Adjunct Professor at the QUT Business School and former Deputy Chair of the ABC.
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