With this as our landscape,my daughter and I are in a constant dialogue about exercise. Specifically running. More specifically,her lack thereof.
“I wouldn’t be who I am without running. I wouldn’t have thought of most of my ideas.”ISTOCK
I am an avid runner. She’s not so into it. She’ll do it,for sport. But as an activity in itself,no. And that’sfine,of course. It’s not for everybody and she’s her own person. If she wants to spend almost every minute horizontal with a screen,to the extent I fear her body will atrophy,that’s her business.
But what kills me is that I was exactly like her. I actually made a dinner-time declaration to my family that running hurts,I’m no good at it,and I intend to never lift my pace above a brisk walk.
But when I was 30,anxiety and general life malaise caught up with me. I remember reading a thing about running and mental health,which led me to think,“I wonder if I can run one kilometre?” Answer:no. Not at that moment. But I made the decision that I wouldtry to be a runner. And it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
It wasn’t easy. I added 500 metres every time I ran,and sometimes cried from the effort. I’ve since run a marathon (15 years ago,but you’re still allowed to brag until your deathbed) and a handful of halfies.
I’ve come to a realisation:the best decisions we make in life can only really come from living,and our kids have only just begun.
I wouldn’t be who I am without running. I wouldn’t have thought of most of my ideas. I wouldn’t be as happy on my good days or cope as well on my bad ones. And because of running,I have undeniable evidence that I can set a very difficult goal,and via one tiny milestone at a time I will achieve that goal. The grit that is ingrained in me now is all because of that simple decision.
Of course,I’ve bored my kid senseless with all of that,partly hoping she might get so sick of it she runs from the house,suddenly loves the feeling,and maybe makes it around the block once or twice. But while out running,I’ve come to a realisation:the best decisions we make in life can only really come from living,and our kids have only just begun.
I did a quick audit of my greatest decisions to verify this theory. There are those that seemed insignificant but became forever impactful:to cut my hair short;to learn to meditate;to travel alone;to leave that party early. If we’re the sum of our actions,then I can attribute the person I am today to those moments. And for that,I thank past me.
There’s the profound,like the decision to marry my husband. We got hitched based on love,chemistry and destiny’s calling. Or was it Destiny’s Child? It was the late ’90s and my priorities were music,partying and good hair,so it wasn’t a very considered decision.
Which is perhaps why our marriage,through the rough patches all relationships have,has been made up of other fleeting yet fundamental decisions:to say sorry;to see the bigger picture;to let go;to believe in him and in us. All choices that add up to one ongoing decision:tostay married.
And then there’s the third kind of choice in life,beyond starting something or continuing on:tostopdoing the thing,which seems like the hardest choice of all. For some it is marriage. For me,it was to stop trying for a second baby. To recognise the end of the road despite being surrounded by possibilities that might,just maybe,give us a baby but probably won’t. To release the hope,knowing that the only way to find peace was to wade through grief,until one day I was able to choose to let go of the yearning.
How did I move through such sadness? I ran. Which takes me back to my sedentary teen. Life has not yet presented her with a reason to run. Her toughest decision right now is what to wear. For that,I’m very grateful,because I know it’s not the case for some kids who are living challenges beyond what is fair for their age.
Instead,my daughter in her safe world is still learning how to listen to her heart’s desires and needs. So I’d better shut up and stop drowning that voice out with my own.
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