What if “more discipline” isn’t the answer? Hear me out.
When people say they need more discipline what they often mean is:“I should be able to force myself to do things I don’t want to do,consistently. If I can’t,that must mean I’m not disciplined”.
Now,since discipline is a highly valued quality,if you think you’re not disciplined,you might start to feel poorly about yourself. You might start thinking there’s something wrong with you,or feel embarrassed about your lack of discipline.
This can then turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you’re not disciplined,you are likely starting your attempts to change with a pre-existing expectation that you are going to fail. After all,that’s been your experience,so what’s going to change this time?
So,this whole narrative around discipline can be self-defeating. That’s not to say there is something wrong with cultivating more discipline in and of itself. But if this approach isn’t working for you,let’s try something else.
Instead of trying to beat yourself into being more disciplined,try being kinder to yourself.
1. Find simpler strategies that require less discipline to begin with.The first shift in perspective that could help is asking yourself “how can I make this simpler?”
Often,people think that to overcome the challenging obstacle in front of them,they need to muster up more discipline or willpower. In their focus on this,they often fail to see the ways in which they could achieve the outcome with more simplicity or ease.
Do you have to write down every expense? Or could you build an automated savings system using a few different bank accounts to allocate your money as soon as it comes in?
Do you have to learn how to analyse company financial statements to invest? Or could you invest in an index fund that gives you broad market exposure,and automate the rest? Do you have to read a book? Could you start with a YouTube video instead?
If you think the task will be enormous or painful,isn’t it understandable that you’re avoiding it? Instead,if you start looking for simpler strategies,your execution will increase because now you don’t need a Herculean level of willpower or discipline to follow through.
2. Replace discipline with kindness for a while.The second perspective shift is one that might sound surprising,but try it before you knock it. Instead of trying to beat yourself into being more disciplined,try being kinder to yourself.
Many times,when people are trying to be more disciplined what they’re actually trying to do is forcefully control themselves with a strict,authoritarian internal dialogue.
This might sound like:
Is this really self-discipline? Or are you just being mean to yourself?
You likely do this because at some point in your life,you learned that this approach is required to achieve success. Maybe from your parents,your school,your culture or workplace.
While this approach can produce short-term results,in the long term it’s often unsustainable. It can ultimately lead to rebellion (where you just can’t comply with your inner dictator anymore). This is why using restrictive spending to control expenses often leads to binge spending.
The solution is to start re-training your self-talk. For a while,talk to yourself as you would a child or a friend.
Would you shame a child or a friend for not reading a book? Or would you encourage her to read one page,and then give her a pat on the back for doing so?
Would you expect a child or friend to hit big goals that they’re not equipped or prepared to achieve? Or would you set smaller,achievable goals to help build their confidence?
The goal here isn’t to achieve big results. The goal is to reshape your relationship with yourself,so you can have a healthier approach to setting and achieving goals.
This might sound like a long road to achieving any kind of tangible results. But if your old way wasn’t getting you anywhere,isn’t it worth trying something else?
Paridhi Jain is the founder of,which helps adults learn to manage,save and invest their money through financial education courses and classes.
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