CBD 2022:So long and farewell

The year 2022 had one job:to be better than its two godawful immediate predecessors. And after careful consideration,CBD is giving the past 12 months a pass mark. Despite the war,floods,cost-of-living crisis,the not-quite ever-ending pandemic,rising interest rates and the wall-to-wall politics,we’re willing to concede that this year managed to - just - clear the low bar set for it.

But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a lot to talk about.

TheNovak Djokovic COVID-vaccination deportation saga was the story of a lifetime for Australian editors,involving a local and truly global audience that couldn’t get enough;heroes;villains (depending on your standpoint);more opinionising than you could fill a homepage with;nobody getting hurt;and with the whole thing unfolding on your door-step,it didn’t even require a travel budget. All right in the guts of silly season.

What a time to be alive and what a moment for Tennis Australia and its chair,Virgin Australia bossJayne Hrdlicka togo missing in action.

With hindsight,the famous side-eye that Australian of the YearGrace Tame gave then Prime MinisterScott Morrison at a Canberra photo-op in January was a sign that ScoMo was in for the toughest year of his life.

After one last round of scorched-earth tribunal stacking,the Morrison government pulled the trigger on a long and painfully forgettable election campaign. Not evenAnthony Albanese’s memory fail,ashouty debate,crash-tackling a small child,or a decayingJohn Howardcould save ScoMo from the voters,who dumped him unceremoniously in May.

Nowhere was Morrison’s rejection more brutal than in the nation’s wealthiest postcodes,where forever Liberals turned to a posse of teal clad political novices. United by common financial backers (just don’t call them a political party!) and concerned with climate and integrity (just don’t mentionKylea Tink’sfossil fuel shares!),the teals marched on Canberra,where Tink,Monique Ryan andKate Chaney promptly startedbunking together.

Ryan’s defeated nemesis,Josh Frydenberg, is now making a lot more money atGoldman Sachs,shrugging off speculation he’d run the AFL (as ifGillon McLachlan will ever leave),but not shrugging off speculation he’ll have another crack at politics in 2025.

Unlike the good burghers of Kooyong and North Sydney,your humble columnists didn’t have the luxury of escaping ScoMo,as he hung around on the backbench like a smirking bad smell.

The multiple ministries scandal further bloodied his legacy,angering even some of his most devoted prayer pals. Not thatStuart Robert noticed,he was too busy writing weird books about Jesus.

The former PM decided torebrand as a “virtuous globalisation mastermind” and jet to the United States,where a few stragglers from theTrump administration are determined to soothe his battered ego.

Meanwhile,the Lodge is now occupied byAnthony Albanese,whose “normal blokedom” doesn’t seem as much an act of highly focus-grouped cosplay as his predecessor. After celebrating his victory in the humble confines of Canterbury-Hurlstone Park RSL,Albo got to work promising a “different” politics.

Which for our purposes looked a bit like sucking the boozy,schmoozy fun out of the Canberra bubble. Probably for the best.

Ministers made a hasty exit from the first Midwinter Ball of the COVID era,where the prime minister’s officefoughtto keep Albo’s (pretty boring) speech under wraps.

The annual end of year drinks werecut short,and in a year of two budgets,Labor’s October turn lacked thecelebrity sparkle of Frydenberg’s last dance.

What hasn’t changed is the need to kiss the Murdoch ring. Albanese,and his key deputiesRichard Marles andPenny Wong had aprivate meeting with News Corp co-chairLachlan Murdoch.

Albo clearly lacks the intense News Corp hate of his predecessorsKevin RuddandMalcolm Turnbull,both of whomchipped in to supportCrikey’sdefence to Murdoch jnr’s lawsuit.

Like Lachlan,News Corp continued its outstanding commitment to free speech in 2022 by keeping staff in the dark aboutThe Australianeditor-in-chiefChris Dore’s abrupt departure after alleged lewd comments at a US conference. At least the journalism was stellar. Who could forget theTele’sdesperatedefence of embattled surgeonCharlie Teo … written by one of his patients.

In the corporate world,some CBD regulars continue to deliver the goods. Troubled techster Nuix,led byJohnathon Rubinsztein,received a rare vote of confidence from none other than do-gooding fund managerAustralian Ethical Investments,which had vacuumed up nearly $30 million in Nuix shares by July this year,and lost more than $10 million in doing so.

Speaking of fundies,theHamish Douglass-founded Magellan continues to be box office,especially now the charismatic one is back at,um,somebody’s desk at the firm. When Douglass,who underwent a high-profile marriage break-up last year,offloaded $118 million of his Magellan shares in November,the market was told it was because of “family diversification”. We would have been proud of that one.

Qantas had such a bad year,the national carrier’s CEOAlan Joyce startedhitching rides on Albanese’s private plane instead. AndGina Rinehart emerged from her crypt somewhere beneath the Pilbara to support her faves –Peter Dutton andJacinta Price.

As ever,it was a busy time for former residents of the Lodge.Julia Gillard remains beloved in a way she never was as PM,with a sold-outstage show,and a last-minute star appearance on the Labor campaign trail.

Tony Abbott has words for anyone who’ll listen,from suburbanLiberal branches,to dribbling neckbeards at the Conservative Political Action Conference. But strangely,he hadno time forQueen Elizabeth II’s memorial,despite his avowed monarchist views.

Her late majesty’s passing was a profound moment in history,followed by an unedifying,month-long orgy of mourn porn. Albo flew a megaentourage out to London to pay respects. And back home,monarchists and republicans both got down to business by fighting among each other.

One of the best arguments for a republic is NSW GovernorMargaret Beazley,who was one of the last people to meet Lizzie while in the UK on a taxpayer-fundedsummer trip. Back home,the self-described human rights champion used her taxpayer-subsidised gothic revival mansion to play host to a contingent ofSaudi officials.

Sticking with NSW,asmoking on the basketball court byNick Kyrgiosset the tone forDominic Perrottet’s year. The NSW Liberals were alreadybruised and divided enough before the wholeJohn Barilarotrade commissioner scandal unravelled,which brought a potential end of the road for Australia’s very own Aldi-brand Underwoods,Marise Payne andStuart Ayres.

Gladys Berejiklianis probably relieved she got out when she did. Even as things went pear-shaped for her new employer,Optus,it’s been a cheery year on the home front– her barrister booArthur Moses justmoved innext door. It was a less romantic year for former foreign ministerJulie Bishop, dumped by her human Ken Doll boyfriendDavid Panton.

But whether 2022 brought you love,happiness or heartache,we can all agree things finally felt a little bit more normal. We’ll raise a glass to that. And we’ll be back for more mischief in the new year.