This is how 22-year-old Harley described her ex-boyfriend as he treated her when they started dating a couple of years ago.
Brisbane Youth Service offers a range of programs and services for homeless and vulnerable young people.Brisbane Youth Service
After meeting on an app and exchanging messages,things moved quickly.
But it didn’t take long for her to notice something wasn’t right.
“I met his mum straight away on like the second or third date,and he said ‘meet my girlfriend’,” Harley said.
“He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend. It didn’t even cross my mind that this was wrong until I came to BYS[Brisbane Youth Service].”
Those early weeks were also when he assaulted Harley for the first time.
“I remember lying in his bed and[I] scratched him by accident,and then he slapped me on the face,” she said.
“I was in shock – it came out of nowhere. He apologised afterwards. I just thought it was my fault,maybe I pushed him too much,maybe I made him do that?”
Over the course of their relationship,Harley was abused verbally,psychologically,sexually and physically.
“When I was in the relationship and processing everything,I would envy my friends’ relationships and think,‘they don’t get slapped,they don’t get bruises and have to cover up’.
“I tried leaving him a bunch of times …[once] I said,‘I am going to leave you’,and he started choking me.
“I didn’t tell anyone what was going on.”
At Brisbane Youth Service,Harley joined a support group for young women who had been affected by domestic and family violence.
Young Women,Families and Safe Relationships senior manager Lou Baker (middle) facilitates programs to support young people who have experienced domestic and family violence,and those currently using violence.Brisbane Youth Service
“I now feel more comfortable setting boundaries in relationships and knowing my rights to do so,” she said.
This March,the service released data collected over seven years showing that 68 per cent of their clients had experienced family violence,and 40 per cent had experienced intimate partner violence.
The report confirmed young people facing homelessness experienced that type of violence at higher rates than the general population,and that domestic and family violence was a leading cause of housing insecurity.
Lou Baker,the senior manager of Young Women,Families and Safe Relationships at BYS,said the data identified a critical opportunity to provide targeted interventions for young people who used violence.
“We know the populations that are most at risk of experiencing violence or using violence in the future have experienced early developmental trauma,” Baker said.
“Brains aren’t fully developed until 25 … so it’s an opportunity to rewire young people’s brains through relationships programs and support,to be able to create lifetime changes for them and show them that violence doesn’t have to be their destiny.”
Harley had first gone to the service with her then-partner,“who was there to learn skills not to be violent towards the women in his life,including me”.
“I was scared to speak up as I thought he would hit me. Eventually I broke up with him over the phone. My family did not know about him hitting me.”
The service has called on state and federal governments to provide funding for targeted interventions.
“We need to focus not only on immediate safety and security,but also prevention,early intervention,and recovery,” BYS chief executive Pam Barker said.
“We’re well-placed to deliver interventions to break the cycle,but we need more funding to continue to deliver our critical services – and to expand them.”
BYS now receives modest funding from the Department of Justice and Attorney-General to deliver,a program developed for young people who use violence.
“We are running a waitlist ... and could make a bigger impact with more resources,” Barker said.
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