Like so many others,he found it. He was an incredibly proud soldier,and the army became his family. It was never just a job for him,it was where he grew up. It raised him and it is part of him,of who he is today. It instilled within him virtues and values. He dedicated his life to being a soldier.
Renee Wilson,chief executive of Australian War Widows NSW,with husband Gary Wilson,of the 2nd Commando Regiment,a survivor of the Blackhawk helicopter accident in Afghanistan that killed three Australian commandos and wounded six,Supplied
But both our lives were changed forever on June 21,2010. Gary was involved in a Black Hawk helicopter accident in Afghanistan,which killed three Australian Commandos and wounded six others,including Gary. He was as close to death as you could get.
When I awoke that morning,I was an army wife-in-waiting. I was planning our wedding,building my career,completing my study and in a partnership where both of us were thriving.
By the end of the day,I was a war widow-in-waiting:waiting for confirmation that Gary had died.
I was later told he initially had a 4 per cent chance of surviving his injuries. Miraculously,he did,but the outlook wasn’t good. I then became an advocate for my fiance,who was now in a coma. Power of attorney was activated,and I became responsible for everything and his life.
I was 23 years old.
While he recovered,I became his carer. Then I had to focus on ensuring I had sustainable employment because I knew he would eventually lose his. I knew the army would let him go,and it was a day I feared as much as Gary did.
I was worried about how he would adjust to civilian life,but I also wasn’t sure how I could let go of the family I had adopted – the community I was now a part of because of what happened to Gary.
Signaller Gary Wilson,2nd Commando Regiment,with wife Renee at the ANZAC memorial in Sydney’s Hyde Park in 2017.Wolter Peeters
Because,like Gary,in the army I had found my people and my home. I may not have ever worn a uniform nor served with them but through Gary’s service I found brothers from other mothers,fathers and uncles I never knew I had or needed.
I found real friendships where the bond is unspoken but always acknowledged with the kindness of a smile. I learned,in a different way to many others,how hardship and shared experiences bring people together,creating powerful and fulfilling bonds. These bonds and relationships carried me through my darkest hours and,for that,I devote my life to helping those who helped me.
The first question Gary asked me when he woke from three months in a coma is why are you here? Why did you stay? I remember being so confused and responded with my own question:Why would I leave?
While the Afghanistan war had arrived at our home and affected our family in ways we never anticipated,staying the course and bringing him home was never negotiable for me.
I made a vow to myself that day,12 years ago. I would step up and do what I needed to,to do what is right,because it was my turn to serve — to serve Gary and other veterans and their families.
I’m not alone in this thinking. So many other defence spouses have told me they feel this way too. Their No. 1 priority is – always will be – caring for their veteran. Sometimes they do this despite their own safety;other times they do it from afar because staying was no longer an option.
They stand in the shadow of their veterans,quietly doing all they can to enable them to serve. They care and advocate for them when they can’t for themselves. They do it without recognition,medals or insignia;their pain,sacrifices and service are not visible but just as important.
Despite this,veterans’ families are rarely provided for,or supported,within the veteran system.
It is why I’m working with the oldest Australian veteran family-led organisation,Australian War Widows NSW,to create a home for the families of veterans. I know from personal experience that support and camaraderie give you immense strength.
Few Australians may realise that one in five homes in our country are connected to defence services. We all need our support community. Gary and I found ours through our journey and the organisations we are a part of. I found a home among other women who,like me,have made sacrifices due to their loved one’s service.
Since leaving the army,Gary has found his home among those who have had similar service. His journey wasn’t easy,but he wanted to give back to his community and this has led to long-lasting bonds in the veteran community,such as the ACT Commando Association,Invictus Australia and Soldier On.
We know the struggles and sacrifices,but we know veterans deserve support and a place to belong.
On Friday,November 11 – Remembrance Day – I am proud to be sharing our story so that others like us know they are not alone.
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