Train etiquette:Is it rude to move when another seat frees up?

I’ll happily sit next to a stranger on the train,but when another seat becomes available,is it rude to immediately abandon my fellow traveller? Or am I merely relieving them of the terrible fact of my physical proximity?
P.C.,Geelong,Vic

Simon Letch

Every train trip is a journey and the person sitting next to you on that journey becomes your companion,your comrade,your confidante. You share many experiences. Funny moments,like when that empty Gatorade bottle keeps rolling under your seat and you have to lift your legs. Terrifying times,like when the man sitting opposite opens a Tuna Tempters Thai Red Curry. Agonising guilt when neither of you stands up for a pregnant woman even though her swollen belly is bumping the side of your head.

And these days more than ever,public transport seat sharers become life sharers. You’ve peeked at each other’s devices and seen personal texts,holiday pics,banking deets,a dating profile (“I’m a cat-loving Francophile who<3 fabulous shoes!”) You may have even appeared in their FaceTime chat to a relative;your ear was in frame for a moment but that was enough to make you feel welcomed into the family.

So when you leave to take another available seat,it can be devastating for the traveller left behind. They may wonder,“What did I do? Was it my love of cats? Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken?” But there’s also every chance they’ll be relieved that you moved:maybe your jacket was too crinkly,your knees spread too wide,you laughed too hard at the rolling Gatorade bottle when it wasn’t really that hilarious. Sure,move to an available seat. But make sure they know how much their companionship meant to you. Leave them with a smile. A nod of gratitude. Your bank password.

guru@goodweekend.com.au

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Danny Katz is a columnist for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. He writes the Modern Guru column in the Good Weekend magazine. He is also the author of the books Spit the Dummy,Dork Geek Jew and the Little Lunch series for kids.

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