Allegra (left),and Bianca Spender:“Our relationship is very real;we don’t skirt around the difficult stuff.”James Brickwood
Allegra: Bianca and I are only 16 months apart in age,and growing up we were very close,although quite different. She was tidy and I was messy. We shared a bedroom until I was eight,and she put sticky tape down the middle of the room to keep us separate because my mess drove her crazy. She has always been protective of me. She liked to meet my boyfriends;she once gave one of them a book on anger management,which went down like a lead balloon.
We’re yin and yang;she’s more emotional and incredibly warm. She engages with everyone and has people enthralled. I was shy. Whenever I think of having people over,I think,“I must ask Bianca because then everyone will get drawn in.” I’ve learnt a lot from observing her.
Bianca is extremely generous. When I had a hard time falling pregnant the first time[Allegra now has three children,aged 10,eight and six],she offered to be our surrogate,even though she had terrible morning sickness when she was pregnant with her two sons. I did end up getting pregnant,but I know she would have done that for me if I’d needed her to.
Working together in the family business[from 2008 to 2016,Allegra was managing director of Carla Zampatti Pty Ltd,which included Bianca’s label,Bianca Spender] was challenging. Inevitably,we disagreed sometimes about what the collection should look like,what would sell. We hired a business counsellor to help us learn to work together more effectively. I learned to value – and not crush – her creative spirit,and she learned to value my business expertise.
Working together drove us apart a bit and then brought us back together even more closely. I know her better for that experience and our relationship is stronger,but it wasn’t easy.
“Sometimes you wonder who will love you through your entire life. I know Bianca will;that’s a big thing to say.”
When Mum died last year,it was an intense time,but the three of us,Alex[Carla’s son from her first marriage],Bianca and I supported each other through it. We kept calling each other,checking in to see how we were feeling. Grief is non-linear;things change from day to day.
Bianca has always been supportive. During this year’s federal election campaign[when Allegra ran for,and won,the Sydney electorate of Wentworth],she came to events no matter how busy she was. Then she’d drive me home and look after me. She gives a mean massage. She’s also frank with me. The other day,she said,“You need a haircut.” No one else would tell me that.
I feel accepted by Bianca,warts and all. I’m not as communicative as she is,but she will probe when I’m trying to shut down because she cares. I’m so proud of what she has achieved,but I wish she was less self-critical. She pursues excellence,but she can be tough on herself.
I feel unconditional love for Bianca,and that’s a huge thing. Our relationship is very real;we don’t skirt around the difficult stuff. It’s gotten stronger over the years;we’re more honest with each other now than when we were younger. We’ve learnt to love and respect our differences,rather than fight them. Sometimes you wonder who will love you through your entire life. I know Bianca will,and that’s a big thing to say.
Bianca: When we were young,I felt a keen sense of responsibility for Allegra. We moved house when I was nine and no longer had a nanny. Mum and Dad were at work after school and often out at night,so for much of the time it was just the two of us. We relied upon each other and made each other feel safe. It was a big house and there were lots of noises,so we’d fall asleep together in Mum and Dad’s bed.
I enjoyed playing the maternal role:ironing Allegra’s clothes or buying food she liked. When I was three,we would go to the park and people would say,“Isn’t she adorable?” and I’d say,“She’s my daughter,you know.” One day,as a teenager,Allegra turned to me and said,“I don’t need two mothers. I already have one.”
Allegra had a strong moral compass,even at a young age. When I was in year 9,I told my parents I was going to a movie when I was going to a boy’s house with friends. I told Allegra the truth in case something went wrong and she said,“I don’t think you should be lying to Mum and Dad. I’m not comfortable being put in this position.” She was 14.
“I realised that however passionate I was about my creative designs,I was more passionate about my sister.”
Growing up,people often thought I was the younger sister because I was so loud and talkative. Allegra was always a deep thinker,more considered. When we were in our late teens,I said to her,“Why do all these boys want to go out with me,but none of them want to be my friend?” She was like,“Well,why do all my male friends want to go out with you and not with me? Why do they just want to be my friends?”
Working together in the family business had its ups and downs. I felt so lucky having her incredible mind dedicated to my business;it gave me great peace of mind. The challenge was that I have a big,creative spirit and am a super-dreamer. I would show her something I had dreamt up and Allegra,who is a practical thinker and dresser,would say,“Where am I wearing this? What do I put it with?” Finding the balance between the creative and the commercial was always complex. Because we were so close,I didn’t want to go against her,which meant that I had to try and convince her,and that was challenging.
In about 2012,I had a nightmare that she moved back to England[Allegra’s husband is English]. I didn’t know how long we’d be in the same country and here we were fighting about collections. I woke up bawling and realised that however passionate I was about my creative designs,I was more passionate about my sister. Together,we negotiated a way through so that I could get the necessary feedback without feeling crushed by it.
I have a deep sense of the unconditional love we have. I know that if I ever did something I was terribly ashamed of,she’d still love me. I feel lucky every day to have her in my life.
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