Which brings me to Pat Cummins,who has just become the Australian cricket captain.
Sadly,as I’ve never met him,I got nothing! Not a single anecdote about the time we had lunch or dinner,or that time in the back of the taxi when he leaned in and said,“You know,Peter,one day,my truly dearest wish is to be the Australian cricket captain . . .”
I got NUTHIN’,I tell you! But wait . . .
Just in the nick of time,reader Mark Ludbroke comes good with the kind of story we all need in these troubled cricketing times.
A couple of years ago,see,Mark and his lad Max – 10 years old – go early to the Australia v NZ Test at the SCG so that young Max could watch his favourite cricketer,Cummins himself,warm up in the nets. Afterwards Cummins poses for selfies and signs autographs as kids jostle for position. Young Max stays back,not wanting to press. But finally with every selfie taken the crowd disperses and Max steps forward and politely asks Pat to sign his Marrickville Cricket Club hat. The fast bowler happily obliges.
New Australian Test skipper Pat Cummins appears a man of the people.Getty
“Unexpectedly,” his father tells me,“Pat then took another moment to thank Max for his good manners and very quietly handed him his batting gloves in appreciation. Max was overjoyed and today,two years down the track,the gloves are still his most prized possession. It’s been a rocky couple of years for Australian cricket captains but Cricket Australia made a great decision in appointing Pat the 47th Test captain of the Australian Men’s Cricket Team.”
More! More! More!
“If we could do so,Max and I would say thanks to Pat for his most generous gesture a couple of summers ago and we’d wish him all the very best for the Ashes ahead and for the many series to follow.”
And so say all of us.
Cummins will become the 47th man to lead the Australian Test side in Brisbane on Wednesday.Getty
And for the record the story is consistent with the one I ran last year,about Cummins – courtesy of Cummins’ parents – meeting the parents of an eight-year-old boy who’d said their lad based his bowling action on him and adored him.
A few days later the lad’s parents opened a package in the mail from a “P. Cummins”,with a nice note,and two signed match shirts,with some signed posters. Pat Cummins’ father had gone to some considerable effort to track down their name and address;Pat himself had showed great interest,and the result was one delighted eight-year-old lad,even more enthusiastic than before to play for Australia himself.
So that is the good news. We all want an Australian cricket captain who,on the sly – when it is unlikely anyone will find out,and it is almost certain to stay hidden forever – does fabulous things. Prima facie,Cummins is one and the same.
Congrats to him,and long may his reign last,doing great stuff.
Dog days should be over
Held last Friday evening at a place called Sandown,they call it the “TAB Melbourne Cup” and is touted – get this – as “the world’s greatest greyhound race.” (A little like world’s greatest venereal disease in my view,but there you go.) The winning dog’s owner and trainer got no less than $500,000 in prizemoney – big bucks in an industry that generates millions from pockets of mug punters who blow their dough. Great,yes?
So all crowd in for the photos,as the flashes go off.
That whimper in the distance?
Forget that!
No,really,it sounds like a dog in a lot of pain.
FORGET THAT,I said! Just SMILE!
The whimper belongs to a two-year-old doggie – Rebellious – who broke his leg in the heats a week prior. Now,as you know,most racing injuries suffered by greyhounds are treatable.
For an injury like Rebellious has - a simple fracture - it costs about $4000 to treat. But a euthanasia drug to kill the dog and spare all the trouble?
That costs $4.
What should we do? In his short life,Rebellious has won $53,085. What should we do? You can guess the rest. Yes,Rebellious was given the needle. So what did his owner say about putting him down?
“Just to walk again he would have needed pins and screws and even after that there were no guarantees.”
Certainly no guarantees of more prizemoney! Three-legged or tripod dogs generally do very well after amputation and also get adopted by loving families,but Rebellious never got the chance. He’s dead.
How is this poxy “sport” still extant in parts of Australia in the third decade of the 21st century?
Jumping the Shark
You bloody people!
Greg Norman has already told you that his sole motivation in fronting Saudi Arabia’s new golfing comp is NOT a big wad of money,but to “grow the game of golf.” But that’s not good enough for you,is it?
Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and Greg Norman.The Age
Noooooo. You keep accusing him of “sportswashing,” - using sport to brighten blackness - pointing out Saudi Arabia’s appalling record on human rights,their state-sanctioned killing of uppity journalists like the Saudi dissident journalist Jamal Khashoggi,the fact they use torture as punishment,and imprison equally uppity women’s rights advocates,have public beheadings,no free speech,no right of assembly for protests,and ruthless suppression of all those who would oppose the Saudi royals and their outrageous regime.
But Greg told you,didn’t he?
Of course he’s heard the odd grim story,and even seen Amnesty’s International condemnation of the country as one of the worst regimes in the world.
But what part of ‘Greg’s been there himself’ don’t you understand??
I quoted him in this very column a month ago,if you were paying attention!
“I’ve been going to Saudi Arabia now for three years,” he told Golf Digest. “I was invited to do a golf course design project there. Unless you actually go there and see and understand exactly what’s happening there,you[can’t] sit back and make judgmental calls.”
Got it?
He’s BEEN THERE!
Didn’t see a single state-sanctioned murder. Not ONE public beheading!
But still you kept carrying on about what a disgrace it was to take Saudi Arabia’s filthy lucre,all to paste the image of golf in front of human rights disgraces.
Very well then,Greg and I are going to give you one more chance. Tell ’em,Greg,your last words on the subject this week.
“No,I have not been used for sportswashing because I’ve been to Saudi Arabia,and I’ve seen the changes that have taken place,” Norman told theFinancial Times. “Every country has done horrendous things in the past … just look at America with racism,for example,it’s just so embedded here,it’s just ugly.”
True,there is the small matter that while America’s record with racism is indeed horrendous,at least it is not part of official policy,but you just can’t have everything. Ditto,comparing what has happened in various countries’ past,to what is happening in Saudi Arabia’s present.
These things happen.
So,you’re on your last chance. Get this into your melons – Greg’s been there,and says it’s OK,so we should calm our farm – or Greg might never talk to us again.
(We should be so lucky.)
What they said
WTA chairman Steve Simon:“I am announcing the immediate suspension of all WTA tournaments in China,including Hong Kong. In good conscience,I don’t see how I can ask our athletes to compete there when Peng Shuai is not allowed to communicate freely and has seemingly been pressured to contradict her allegation of sexual assault.”
Srdjan Djokovic on whether son Novak will be in Melbourne for the Australian Open given players have to be vaccinated:“Under these blackmails and conditions,[Novak] probably won’t[play]. I wouldn’t do that. And he’s my son,so you decide for yourself.” In the words of Victorian MP Tim Watts,fine - jog on,Djokovic.
Brandon Smith will join the Roosters in 2023.NRL Photos
Brandon Smith before he announced he was – shock horror – joining the Roosters:“I was just looking at the Roosters jersey . . . going,‘I want to win a premiership in that jersey’.”
Smith,once he moved into damage control: “Specifically to the Melbourne Storm,it was never my intent to disrespect or come across as ungrateful to the club that has done so much for me and my family. And that goes for my coaches,members,staff and most of all,my teammates. I speak from the heart – for better or worse sometimes – and I’m sorry if anyone was hurt by my words.” A real wildcard,Smith. On the field,he is mostly the ace of hearts. Off the field,lately,he’s been closer to one of the low clubs or a six of spades.
Shane Warne on who Pat Cummins should emulate:“We want Pat Cummins to be Pat Cummins . . . that aggressive,nasty opening fast bowler.” Sounds like a plan.
Warne on Steve Smith as vice-captain: “I think the punishment he was given was way too severe,which I said at the time. He paid a huge price for his mistake. But his second chance is getting to play for Australia again and in my opinion announcing him as vice captain opens up CA for ridicule and criticism,and they should throw the code of conduct out the window.”
Mark Bosnich and Craig Foster criticising the current form of the Socceroos under Graham Arnold. Credit:Stan Sport
Mark Bosnich on Australia’s World Cup qualifying hopes:“The way they’re performing and the fact they’ve drawn that fifth South American team,I really can’t see it.”
John O’Neill talking about the Rugby World Cup:“It’s a massive advantage that rugby has over the other football codes,there is no World Cup for the AFL,the Rugby League World Cup is not a truly world event and we had one crack at hosting the FIFA World Cup and sadly left it empty-handed.” There is the small matter of the Women’s World Cup in Australia in 2023,but APART from that!
Ronaldo responds:“Pascal Ferre lied,he used my name to promote himself and to promote the publication he works for. It is unacceptable that the person responsible for awarding such a prestigious prize could lie in this way,in absolute disrespect for someone who has always respected France Football and the Ballon d’Or.” Goodness!
Pascal Ferre,the editor ofFrance Football:“Ronaldo has only one ambition,and that is to retire with more Ballons d’Or than Messi,and I know that because he has told me.”
Tiger Woods recovering from his car accident as he’s about to turn 46:“After my back fusion,I had to climb Mount Everest one more time. I had to do it,and I did. This time around,I don’t think I’ll have the body to climb Mount Everest and that’s OK. I can still participate in the game of golf. I can still,if my leg gets OK,I can still click off a tournament here or there. But as far as climbing the mountain again and getting all the way to the top,I don’t think that’s a realistic expectation of me.”
Young cricketer Tanveer Sangha on emulating the greats by watching YouTube:“I had some people that tried to teach me leg-spin,but I mainly just looked at a lot of YouTube videos,Shane Warne and[Anil] Kumble;any ‘how to bowl leg-spin’ video tutorials. When I was learning,I’d watch that then go and try to put that into practice.”
Team of the week
Perth Scorchers. Won their first WBBL title in scorching fashion.
Alex Carey. Is the new Australian Test wicketkeeper,replacing Tim Paine.
Carlos Arthur Nuzman. Head of the Brazilian Olympic Committee (BOC) for more than two decades sentenced to 30 years in jail for allegedly buying votes for Rio de Janeiro to host the 2016 Olympics. Anyone out there shocked? Where will this all end? The next thing you know they’ll allege that 2022 Qatar Wold Cup was rigged!
Sam Horsley,James Samuels,Rob Wells and Louis Hugh-Jones. The four young Australians are now on their way to Europe,and will shortly set off to row across the Atlantic as part of a race!
Lionel Messi. Won a title.
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