The then 42-year-old tried to push the image away. Harming her child was her worst fear. But,troubled by severe sleep deprivation and pain from an emergency caesarean birth,the thoughts kept on coming back.
“What if I do?” she thought. “What if I do,and then I’ll go to jail,and then my son won’t have a mum.”
Donna Harrison,with her son Lachlan,who is almost 10. She received support for her intrusive thoughts.Janie Barrett
As extreme as this sounds,Harrison was experiencing a common phenomenon. Called intrusive thoughts,almost every human will have them during their lives:sudden and unwelcome involuntary thoughts,images,or unpleasant ideas.
Mostly they pass quickly and don’t do us any harm,but they can persist and cause extreme distress,especially for new parents.
that between 70 and 100 per cent of new mothers have intrusive thoughts about their baby,and half have intrusive thoughts of intentionally harming their infant. Fathers often have these thoughts,too.
However,stigma,silence and gaps in antenatal education mean mums and dads are mostly unaware there is a name for what they are experiencing.
Perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist Dr Edna Lekgabe said examples in new parents included thoughts or images of dropping,suffocating,stabbing,sexually abusing or drowning their baby.
Others might worry their baby will get an infection or they see an image of their baby dead.
Lekgabe describes intrusive thoughts as ego-dystonic,which means they reflect the opposite of a person’s values and desires. For example,someone who adores their baby may have intrusive thoughts of harming their baby.
Perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist Dr Edna Lekgabe.Supplied
There is no evidence that experiencing ego-dystonic intrusive thoughts makes parents more likely to harm their babies intentionally or for harm to come to their babies.
“You are not your thoughts,” Lekgabe said. “Your thoughts are not facts.”
But in some cases,the intrusive thoughts can be so distressing,they cause a parent to change their behaviour.
Lekgabe calls this avoidance behaviour. An example of this could be a mum or dad avoiding changing the baby’s nappies because of intrusive thoughts of sexually abusing their baby.
Harrison,an operations manager who shared her story with the by support agency Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA),said she refused to bathe her newborn son for four days because she was worried about drowning him.
As shocking as they can be,several experts say intrusive thoughts – at least in their milder form – appear to have an evolutionary purpose to help parents protect their babies.
Professor Jane Fisher.Eddie Jim
“They’re in many ways people’s worst fears realised,and it’s a way of processing the fear we have of having these new precious little beans,and preparing us for what could be a worst-case scenario,” said Julie Borninkhof,a clinical psychologist and the chief executive of PANDA.
Professor Jane Fisher,director of global and women’s Health at Monash University,said she remembered being a new mother and having intrusive thoughts about her car catching fire with her baby inside.
She said when it came to early parenting,she saw them as “a highly protective response”.
“I see these thoughts as being real alerts to women to be on the lookout … But they’re extreme and exaggerated. They’re beyond what could possibly happen.”
Lekgabe said that in some cases,unwanted intrusive thoughts could be a feature of specific diagnoses such as depression,anxiety,obsessive-compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Triggers of intrusive thoughts for new parents include stress and anxiety,conflict,unmet needs,poor sleep,pain,not drinking enough water or a poor diet.
Lekgabe said the key was not to try to eliminate intrusive thoughts – they are involuntary – but to seek out someone to talk to,such as a mental health professional or GP. Other helpful strategies include setting routines,reducing stress,optimising sleep,remaining socially connected,exercise,mindfulness and reducing or quitting coffee,energy drinks,alcohol and nicotine.
Experts agree more needs to be done to lift the veil of silence around intrusive thoughts.
Fisher said that while the psychological preparation for parenthood had improved,it was still far from perfect. She said it could be time for public health campaigns addressing things like intrusive thoughts.
In a promising trend,Borninkhof said she had noticed a change in parents’ interest in the PANDA booths at pregnancy,baby and child expos.
“Before people would sort of skirt around our booths,and not want to kind of look at it in fear that they would catch vulnerability. So it’s been really nice,especially over the last 18 months,to see the amount of people who are more protective in their approach.”
Harrison’s son,Lachlan,is about to turn 10. It wasn’t until he was four – when Harrison was diagnosed with OCD – that she learnt that intrusive thoughts was the name for what she had experienced since childhood.
As a little girl,she had avoided walking near the big voids in the middle of shopping centres,fearful she would throw herself off the edge.
“I’m 52 now. When I was 10,it wasn’t even spoken about. You didn’t even know people have mental health issues. It was all hidden.”
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