None of this is news,so you just let it wash over you,further confirmation that having a baby is rewarding but challenging. But one thing people need to discuss more is that while raising a baby is hard,namingone is much harder.
The hardest thing about having a baby? Knowing what to call it.Marija Ercegovac
There really is no greater responsibility as a parent,and it feels unfair that your first big test arrives long before the baby does. Pick the wrong name,and you’ve ruined their life before it’s even started,but choose something great (and timeless and trendy,but nottoo trendy),and your child will be a hit!
Framing this Very Big Decision is a constantly evolving dialogue around baby names.
Once a month,someone on the internet will write a story with the title “Australia’s most popular baby names have been revealed!”
Without fail,Charlotte and Oliver come out on top;in fact,those two names have been voted most popular 10 years running. Go to any park near your house and there will be multiple annoyed parents screaming at several Olivers to leave all the Charlottes alone.
The rest of the list is usually a mix of old-but-trendy names like Molly,Jack and Charlie,followed by new-age picks like Luca,Teddy and Sadie. But because we hate a dynasty,the tide has turned on the most popular,and now there is increasing pressure to choose something truly unique.
Back in the olden days,things were much easier;there were like 10 names we cycled through,and that was it. Naming a baby meant looking at your family tree and choosing from the limited options. Your great-grandfather was Jack,and your baby will also be Jack,and so on.
As always,I suspect some blame must be directed at celebrities. Before we had Beyoncé’s Blue Ivy,Gwyneth’s Apple or Elon Musk’s most recent addition,Techno Mechanicus,everyone was content to choose a standard name.
Now we have parents who have never been to France naming their daughter Margeaux or throwing in extra letters so little Allex feels special.
When my wife fell pregnant last year,I soon realised there were several other factors to consider before a name could be locked in.
First,you need a versatile name,cute for a baby but cool for an adult. Having an adorable baby boy named Scout is all well and good. Look how cute baby Scout is,with his chubby cheeks and startle reflex. But when Scout is 35 and applying for a home loan,things don’t look so rosy.
Then comes the veto power that turns every conversation into a prolonged negotiation. Unfortunately,each party has a right to red-line names that trigger an adverse reaction or remind you of someone you hate.
You might think Zoe is a nice name,but did you know that your partner went to school with a Zoe who was mean to them 15 years ago?
While attempting to land on a name before our child arrived last year,my wife and I got stuck in a vicious veto hell. I quite liked Sonny for a boy,but my wife ruled it out because “Hamish Blake’s kid is named Sonny.”
It’s worth noting we are not close friends with Hamish Blake,so I didn’t see it being an issue,but her line for banned names stretched way beyond reason. Leo was also banned because we lived two doors from a kid named Leo,and “he had a weird energy.”
Eventually,we agreed on Archie,a name we both loved,but now I’m plagued by the fear that he may not feel the same way when he gets older. According to parenting experts,most babies respond to their names around nine months old. Archie is currently 10 months old,and sometimes I swear he looks upset when I use his name.
To make matters worse,that was the only boy name we had on our list,and should we have another son in the future,I worry about what might happen.
I recently read that in the UK,Gary is “coming out of extinction” and re-emerging as a popular pick with parents in 2023. I texted this news to my wife,who responded with a thumbs-down emoji,followed by a picture of Gary Glitter. Perhaps she has a point.
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