For the uninitiated,you do your test then wait in a holding area for results. Maybe it was the early-ish hour,but there were lots of women my age there,unwashed hair scraped into low buns,all of us with no makeup,no hangovers and no discretion. Some of us with diamond studs winking in ears,gold bangles on wrists. Dust-caked sandals were 2021 Marnis.
Kate Halfpenny and her camping crew at Golden Plains 2024.Supplied
“I should be right. I only had a tiny bit of LSD,” one told our little random gang. “I’m worried I had that last pinga too late,” said another. There was general consensus cocaine had been a better bet this year than MDMA –“you don’t want your brain to melt” – in the blast furnace conditions that reached almost 40 degrees at the peak of the weekend.
I felt confident about getting the all clear. While we put up the gazebo on Saturday,my millennial camp-mate Nurse Jackie had clocked I was no hardened campaigner. A drug dilettante. Stick to cannabis gummies,said Jackie. A couple of mojitos,maybe.
And thus I wandered about in a bikini and cartwheel hat,nicely off my gourd and feeling ace and safe. Nobody was drinking much. Stashes were dipped into more than eskies. The vibe was mellow and solicitous and fun. On the last night,lolling on a couch with a clutch of gorgeous twenty-something women,generous offers were made to the group’s only old boiler.
Did Mum want a dexie? (A what?) Did Mum want a bump? Some acid? Nurse Jackie took charge again. “What Mum wants is a sausage in bread and a Passiona.” Geez,she was good. I had a banger time,capped off by an all clear from the testing people. Wished good luck to the ladies still waiting,see you next year.
What I appreciated about that half hour in the drug tent was the frankness. Yes,we were all there for the same reason so it was hard to hide our predilections,but swapping the war stories took it to a new level. These are the conversations we should be having more often,as proved by the semi-hysteria in some circles around this week’s headlines.
When I admitted last year that,the response was fascinating. Doctors emailed to say emergency departments would be much quieter if alcohol was illegal and marijuana wasn’t. People I’ve known my entire adult life texted:“I didn’t know this about you. Can you make me a batch?”
Research shows us drug use is prolific. The United Nations’ World Drug Report 2023 found past-year use of cocaine in Australia and New Zealand remains the highest worldwide. Past year use of ecstasy in both countries “remains by far” the highest worldwide. Cannabis use is significantly higher than the global average.
But we still don’t admit it to our nearest and dearest and talk as if it’s just young tradies and ravers on the bags. Not middle-aged,middle-class women whose dealer has a Range Rover instead of a bum bag. An old mate called after the AFL story broke:“Where they should park the drug bus is outside private schools and South Yarra restaurants.”
I’m in no way advocating using drugs. All of them – alcohol at the top of the list – can destroy lives,finances,relationships. But in the spirit of openness,let’s not lie. They’re fun,and therein lies the rub.
We clutch our pearls at the idea of illicit drug use. Self-curate what we tell even close friends,happy to let it be the elephant in the room. That doesn’t feel like a way to keep anyone safe.
Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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