It took a group of men decades to believe Australia would listen,but then “the highest court in NSW shut the door on us,and every f---ing victim who was thinking of coming forward”.
Three men have spoken,using pseudonyms,about the alleged abuse by their former teacher Helga Lam,the judgment which means she will not face trial,and their hopes for justice after 40 years of silence.
But,still,they are determined to speak.
Retired school teacher Helga Lam,now 70,was arrested in September 2021 on charges she abused four teenagers aged as young as 13 in the late 1970s in the city’s eastern suburbs. She has always denied the allegations.
Adam and Jonathan,now men approaching 60 and speaking under pseudonyms to protect their identities as child abuse complainants,had spent years summoning the strength to face Lam in court and claim she had abused them.
“I wanted a chance to be heard,a chance to tell our story and let people know female abuse is as emotionally devastating as any other form of abuse,” Jonathan said.
Helga Lam was arrested at St Ives in 2021 and accused of abusing boys in the late 1970s and early ’80s. She denied all charges.NSW Police
“The trope of society is you should enjoy being abused by a woman. I wanted justice.”
Adam wanted to tell a jury he had reported Lam to the school but had been beaten by another teacher and threatened into silence for speaking up. He wanted to explain what he said the abuse had done to all of their lives.
“We were swapping footy cards,riding skateboards,watching the Rabbitohs on the weekend,” Adam said.
“Then there was this darkness coming over,secrets behind closed doors,lies and threats and physical attacks.”
I was literally shaking when I heard the judgment,it took me back to my abuse,it flung me back there.
Adam
“We became fractured,turned against each other and drifted apart. Within a year,we’d all taken drugs,slept in abandoned homes,leaving school to get away from the abuse.”
But after decades of silence,Adam says he had watched the royal commission into child sex abuse in schools and churches with hope.
Adam had a breakdown at work,a minor issue had spiralled with unnerving speed. It was the latest in a series of psychological upheavals he felt were linked to his alleged abuse.
Lam,now 70,will not face trial after a Court of Criminal Appeal ruling this month.Supplied
He reached out to the other boys from school,and they all told similar stories. Adam,Jonathan and a third friend agreed they should finally contact the police.
A fourth alleged victim of Lam was tracked down by dedicated police investigators. Adam and Jonathan have no idea who he is.
Sitting on folding chairs around a small table in the back of a Sydney gym,Adam and Jonathan decided to speak publicly for the first time after decades of secrecy and years in the courts.
Another friend,known as Steve,also sits at the table. He has made allegations against Lam but refused to join the criminal trial as a complainant,saying alleged abusers “always seem to wriggle out of it”.
“We had lost all confidence in authority. It took us 40 years to get to a place where we thought society’s changed,we won’t be turned away now,” Adam said.
“And the exact same thing happened again. You guys don’t matter.”
Lam had denied all accusations since her arrest and had asked the NSW District Court to throw the case out – but the judge refused.
Then,on the eve of her trial,Lam’s lawyers asked the Court of Criminal Appeal to finally quash the charges.
because the 1978 laws the teacher had been charged under only covered male abusers and male victims.
In other words,Lam could not be found guilty because she is a woman. The trial was abandoned this month.
Lam’s alleged victims were shattered,and “sickened” in particular by Justice Anthony Meagher who noted that three of the four were “willing participants” in the alleged abuse.
“I was literally shaking when I heard the judgment,it took me back to my abuse,it flung me back there,” Adam said.
“He’s just told every Australian that children can participate in their own abuse. To me,it was a very sick and twisted thing to say.”
Justice Meagher,following a public outcry,updated his judgment to attribute the “willing participants” line to prosecutors.
An estimated one in five males experience sexual abuse before adulthood. It’s not known how many men before 1984,when the laws changed,have yet to disclose historic abuse to police.
Lam’s alleged victims fear the ruling could “silence a generation”.
“So if you were a five-year-old,and you were raped by a woman[before 1984],even if you’ve got photographic evidence,and you go to the cops,the cops have got their hands tied,” Adam said.
“We don’t want to be treated special. We just want equality with other[alleged] victims of severe abuse.”
Steve felt guilty after watching his friends lose their chance to face down Lam. Steve was “shocked” even though he always believed some unseen force would clear Lam.
“I felt bad for them knowing how traumatic it was to go forward - they did what I was not brave enough to do,” he said.
“I felt bad I didn’t go with them,but I felt even more guilty when there was no justice.”
Steve,Jonathan,Adam and their fourth friend are all part of a civil lawsuit against the Department of Education. It is currently before the courts.
“We didn’t get our day in court,we didn’t get our story out there,” Adam said.
“Hopefully,the civil case gives us the chance at closure.”
Support is available from the at 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).
