If we’re the smaller city,might that also give Sydney a shot at being cooler than Melbourne – are we now the boutique option? As much as it pains me to admit it,Melbourne tends to have Sydney beaten for coolness in more respects than just temperature. Sydney’s trendiest bars often feel like pastiches of Melbourne ones,which steal their designs direct from New York City. And Melbourne venues let you in if you know the “right” people,whereas Sydney ones will let anyone in if they’re rich,hot or on television. In Sydney,Lidia Thorpe would be far too famous to get a lifetime ban from anywhere.
They’re smarter down there,too. Melbourne briefly tried lockout laws before coming to their senses,while Sydney took them up years later,and persisted until we’d eviscerated our nightlife. We were also the idiots who dumped ouronce-superior tram network in favour of shiny new cars,resurrecting a mere three lines decades later at vast expense. Instead,Sydney will be forced to rest on its familiar laurels of beaches and climate,like the small holiday town we’re becoming.
Greater Sydney is still bigger than Greater Melbourne because we get to include the Central Coast – but only until 2031,apparently. Sydney needs to lobby Wollongong to amalgamate with us,just as the Dragons amalgamated with the Steelers. They’ll absolutely hate that,of course,and we may have to build a hyperloop from Central to Kiama to bribe them to say yes – but at least it’ll put Melbourne back in second for a few decades more.
Whatever the ABS says,we Sydneysiders believe our city will always be greater than Greater Melbourne – as long as you ignore minor factors like thecost of living,the Australian Open,the MCG,the Grand Prix,the Sidney Myer Music Bowl,the Comedy Festival,the live-music scene,the late-night dining options,and all those endless festivals every tedious week. Oh,and housing prices.
Speaking of which,the median price for a three-bedroom house in Melton is … $495,000? Screw it,I’m moving there. It’s a mere 45 minutes to the heart of Australia’s biggest city via “regional coach”,and in a decade’s time,it’ll genuinely be in Melbourne.
The Opinion newsletter is a weekly wrap of views that will challenge,champion and inform your own.Sign up here.