You may also be surprised at how willing people are to open up and share their vulnerabilities with you,says mental wellbeing consultant Julie Gillespie.Credit:iStock
While 48-year-old mental wellbeing consultant Julie Gillespie is more than willing to dabble in light chinwagging,she thrives on having more meaningful discussions. She says talking about deeper topics – such as our fears,hopes,dreams and vulnerabilities – is what makes us feel connected to others. It can also help us re-evaluate our life’s direction and empower us to take the steps needed to improve ourselves. And yet,she says,most people fear wading into such territory.
Mann agrees,saying people often avoid diving into deeper topics because of a fear of conflict (for example,when discussing politics),getting “pushback” (for “out-there” ideas) or they simply feel self-conscious when revealing their vulnerabilities.
People also shy away from asking others if they’re okay when they notice they’re struggling or grieving,says Gillespie. Instead,she says it’s common to take a step back out of fear they can’t fix their problems. But she adds we shouldn’t let our own fears about not being able to help someone stand in the way of offering support.
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That doesn’t mean we should push or probe. Instead,Mann recommends approaching a loved one if they seem out of sorts:“It could be something like,‘Hey,I’ve noticed you seem a little bit down. Maybe I’m out of line,but can we have a quick chat about this?’ ”
Treading lightly and seeking permission gives the other person a choice as to whether they wish to go deeper with you,says Mann,while reducing their impulse to be defensive.
You don’t have to know what to say during such conversations,and it’s more than okay to admit that,she adds. “Just being honest and going,‘I don’t know what to say at the moment but I’m here for you,’ shows empathy.” Just be sure to steer clear of empty platitudes,though. While people often try to come up with silver linings to make others feel better,Mann says such sentiments are more likely to make people feel unheard.