Like 65,000 other Australians every year,I attempted to take my own life. I was one of 178 people every day who wrongly believe they won’t be missed – 178 people who feel so hopeless they don’t realise the devastation they would cause to their families,friends,colleagues and loved ones.
Sadly,nine people die by suicide in Australia every day,leaving a trail of heartbreak and pain in their wake. That includes a never-ending internal dialogue of guilt. What else could you have done to help them? How did you miss the signs? The eternal “what if” for those left behind.
Despite the frightening number of people with darkness and pain that feels unbearable,we still don’t talk about it openly. Suicide is uncomfortable and confronting. People hide their stories and struggles for fear of being shamed and ostracised.
That used to be me.
So here it is. My name is Matt Berriman and I grew up in Wodonga on the border of regional Victoria and NSW. I moved to Melbourne as a teenager to pursue my passion for cricket and worked as a professional sportsman as a young adult. I’m a hard-working,loyal and empathetic person,but I’ve been told I can be a pain in the bum when I want to be – a combination of traits that held me in good stead professionally but impacted my ability to recognise and seek help early on.
I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2017,six years after being misdiagnosed with depression. I was 33 at the time,living in London and running a global multimillion-dollar start-up. The pressure was immense and it was a daily struggle to keep mentally well.